Relationships Restored After Sex Addiction

Twelve-Step meetings are filled with people whose relationships have ended due to addiction. This is especially true for sexual addiction.

However, relationships do not have to end just because of the discovery of sex addiction. I have even seen restoration take place in relationships where the partner finds out that the sex addict has been sexually involved with many other people and has participated in behaviors that are incomprehensible.

Certainly the road to relationship restoration is a difficult one when sex addiction is a factor. I often hear partners saying, “Why couldn’t I be in relationship with an alcoholic or a drug addict? Anything but sex addiction would be easier to understand.”

Through the years I have had the privilege of seeing many relationships restored that appeared to be headed for divorce or dissolution. With hard work, not only can relationships survive sex addiction but they may even thrive.


Posted in General | Leave a comment

Partners Can Heal From the Effects of Sex Addiction


Every partner’s journey is unique. What some partners find helpful, others may find ineffective. Conversely, steps successfully taken by some partners may prove to be fruitless to others.

Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners takes both the sex addict and the partner through a methodical recovery program that can result in the addict getting free, partner healing, and relationships being restored.

An online recovery course designed to lead partners through the process of healing uses this book as its text. I Must Heal: Healing From Your Partner’s Sex Addiction includes 30 videos and numerous worksheets and takes partners through a methodical healing journey. The course is available at



Posted in General | Leave a comment

There is Hope for Sex Addiction

For the sex addict who has spent many years pursuing and being obsessed with sex, it may seem that there is no hope. Some sex addicts have resigned themselves to the belief that they will never be able to get free and that they are destined to live out their lives dealing with the carnage produced by their acting out.

Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners shows sex addicts how to get free from their acting out permanently. The path is not easy but the goal is achievable.

Sex addicts are able to find a path that starts with hope on the first day of recovery and ultimately leads to freedom from all addictive behavior. Amazingly, it is also possible for relationships that have been badly damaged by sexual addiction to heal.

The journey outlined in this book is one that both sex addicts and partners can take together. Some chapters are addressed just to the addict and some specifically to the partner. There are also chapters for both. The recovery journey outlined in this book has been used by many couples from all over the world who have participated in Intensives at Hope & Freedom Counseling Services and those facilitated by Certified Hope & Freedom Practitioners (CHFP) who are practicing throughout the country.


Posted in General | Leave a comment

New Book on Sex Addiction Recovery

Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners was written with the view of bringing hope to people whose lives have been rocked by sex addiction. This 300+ page book has chapters for both the sex addict and the partner.

This book will be released in North America in early April and to the rest of the world this summer.

Worldwide pornography revenues exceed $97 billion per year. This number would be larger if it was not for the amount of free pornography available on the Internet. Annual costs of medical treatment for sexually transmitted diseases in the United States exceed $15.3 billion.

There are as many sex addicts in the United States as the combined populations of New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Houston, and Boston! These numbers are conservative estimates based on people who have sought help for sex addiction.

Stop Sex Addiction shows addicts how to get free from problematic sexual behavior and partners how to heal from the trauma caused by the addict’s behavior. There is hope for sex addiction. Freedom awaits those who embark on this journey of recovery.


Posted in General | Leave a comment

New Partner’s Video Course

After about a year and a half in production, the partner’s video series, I Must Heal: Healing From Your Partner’s Sex Addiction, has just been released. This series includes 30 videos and takes partner’s through a 30 week healing journey.

This online course will use the book Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners, as the companion textbook. The book will be released on Amazon on April 16th. However, we have a few preview copies available at as well as at the video download site:

Partner’s of sex addicts get severely traumatized just from being in relationship with sex addicts. For many partners, the trauma is even greater because of their spouse has experienced one or more relapses.

You can watch the introductory video below:

Introduction Video

I hope this new video series and book will be a help to the recovering community.

Posted in General | Leave a comment

Sex Addiction Recovery Video Course

I Can Stop!  A new streaming video course has just been released.  I Can Stop is specifically focused on sex addiction recovery.  However, those with other addictions can find benefit from the methodical approach to recovery that is given in this 30 video series.

You can view an introductory video at the link below.


Posted in General | 1 Comment

Partners of Sex Addicts–12-Step Fellowship

Infidelity Survivors Anonymous (ISA) is a support group for individuals who have experienced infidelity induced trauma caused by any form of sexual betrayal in their relationships. The program is focused on the empowerment of its members. The tools of the program offer members hope, strength, healing and ultimately freedom.

We told you about this new fellowship in a previous blog post.  Unfortunately some of the information about their new tele meeting was incorrect.  The correct information is below:

National Phone Meeting:

  • Every Thursday, 9:00 pm Central
  • Call:  760-984-1000
  • Access Code:  347560#

Their website is

Posted in General | Leave a comment


Newspaper headlines carried this one word that excited the imagination of the world. Tens of thousands of people left their homes and went west looking for the promise that few found.  Gold had been discovered in California.

We often focus on the folly of those who searched for what they did not find.  But some of those looking for gold found it.

From 1848 until 1955, three hundred thousand people poured into California in search of gold.  True, most didn’t find it.  But some did.  The value of the gold recovered  during those years in today’s dollars was in the tens of billions of dollars.

Sometimes, you do find what you are looking for.  On your job, you may have told yourself that your job is awful.  Then as you look for evidence to support that preconceived notion, you find plenty of data to support your position.

In your relationship, suppose you believe your partner to be selfish and disrespectful.  As you look at your relationship through that lens, you can indeed find many examples that you believe prove your point.

Now what if on your job, you changed your frame of reference.  What if you looked for evidence that you had a good job?  What do you think you would find?

And in your relationship, what if you looked for evidence that your partner was selfless and respectful?  Is there any evidence to support that view?

The truth is that in some jobs and some relationships, it doesn’t matter how badly you want to find something good, there is not much on the other side of the ledger.  But for others, when they look for the positive, sometimes they find it.

Perhaps it is time to have a new gold rush.

Remember, some of those who look for gold find it.  What are you looking for?  Maybe someday you will be able to shout with jubilation, “I found it!”

“I found gold!”

Posted in General | 1 Comment

Addiction and Relationships

Chances are that if you are reading this you are an addict.  And there is also a good chance that you have damaged relationships as you pursued your addiction.

Healing from addiction may also lead to the healing of relationships.  I have seen many recovering addicts make remarkable progress in repairing the damage done by their addiction.  For couples, I have seen addicts become so attuned to their spouse’s wounds that they have become a catalyst for healing.  Selfishness that was a hallmark of their addiction takes a backseat to selflessness.

But one of the sad realities is that some relationships may be so damaged by addiction that they can never be repaired.  Crying, praying, fretting, getting angry–and all of the other things that may be attempted do not change the fact that the relationship is damaged beyond repair.

The part of the Serenity Prayer that is the hardest for many to wrap their head around is the part that speaks of “accepting the things I cannot change.”

Remember, you are not your addiction.  And as you give yourself completely to a lifestyle of recovery, you can take comfort in the fact that as you look back on the wreckage of failed relationships that you are not continuing those destructive behaviors.

A person in a 12-step meeting gave an affirmation he learned to use when tempted to ruminate about past problem behavior and the pain he had caused others.  That affirmation is simple but powerful.

“And I don’t do that any more!”

Posted in General | 1 Comment

12-Step Group for Partners of Sex Addicts

There is a new 12-step telephone meeting. Infidelity Survivors Anonymous (ISA) has started a telephone meeting for partners who are in recovery.

The meeting takes place every Thursday evening at 9:00 pm Central. The conference dial-in number is (760) 984-1000. The participant access code is 347560#.

ISA is unique in that the focus is on infidelity induced trauma.

The ISA fellowship was created to support individuals who have suffered the consequences of any one of the following betrayals in a relationship:

  • Sexual or Emotional Affairs
  • Pornography and Cybersex
  • Compulsive Sexual Behavior / Sexual Addiction (e.g., prostitution, strip clubs, massage parlors, adult bookstores)
  • Other Deviant Sexual Behavior

For more information about ISA go to If you know of someone who might benefit from this meeting, please direct them to this blog.

Go to ISA website….

Posted in General | 2 Comments